The Strong Willed Child

Today, I received a parenting email which really encouraged me on the subject of strong-willed children. This email was a blessing to me, and I began thinking of a strong-willed checklist that I once read in a book called "You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Persuaded: Strategies for Bringing Out The Best in Your Strong-Willed Child" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. This checklist really stood out to me because as I was reading it, I came to the stark realization that I was more of a strong-willed child than my first-born son is!! That was convicting!

Anyway, the email I received today has spurred me on to definitely finish reading the rest of this book. Strong-willed children can really be a challenge to a parent. I used to tell people that it just wasn't even worth the effort to go out and do things with my son or as a family because it always was such a production! I could never really understand why I felt this way until I realized that I had a strong-willed son who really challenges me and my husband as parents. Yet, after reading this checklist, I also see myself in a new light and am understanding why we often butt heads like we do.

Please don't misunderstand me about my strong willed Abraham. He is a strong, energetic, intelligent, sensitive child, but I must be honest and say that he is a challenge at the same time! Tomorrow, I will try and post the parenting tip email I received today, but for now, let me give you this checklist.

Can you relate to this with one of your kiddos? Can you see yourself in this list? Let me know your thoughts, your score, and any comments or advice you may have for the strong-willed struggle.

Mark only those statements that are true almost 100% of the time:

-almost never accepts words like "impossible" or phrases like "it can't be done."
-can move with lightening speed from being a warm, loving presence to being a cold, immovable force.
-may argue the point into the ground, sometimes just to see how far into the ground the point will go.
-when bored, has been known to create a crisis rather than have a day go by without incident.
-considers rules to be more like guidelines (i.e. "As long as I'm abiding by the 'spirit of the law', why are you being so picky?")
-shows great creativity and resourcefulness- seems to always find a way to accomplish a goal.
-can turn what seems to be the smallest issue into a grand crusade or a raging controversy
-doesn't so things just because "you're supposed to" - it needs to matter personally
-refuses to obey unconditionally - seems to always have a few terms of negotiation before complying.
-is not afraid to try the unknown - to conquer the unfamiliar (although each SWC chooses his or her own risks, they all seem to possess the confidence to try new things.)
-can take what was meant to be the simplest request and interpret it as an offensive ultimatum
-may not actually apologize but almost always makes things right.

Your score: How Much Strong Will Do You Have?
0-3 You've got it, but you don't use it much.
4-7 You use it when you need to, but not on a daily basis
8-10 You've got a very healthy dose of it, but you can back off when you want to.
11-12 You don't leave home without it - and it's almost impossible not to use it.