Sometimes, I just need a day to vent! Hmmm...how to start. Well, being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother, and now newly adoptive mother, is, how should I say this...unnerving! I have been going through a bit of adjustment in my life, obviously, and I am feeling a bit burnt out. Now, I know that we are not supposed to follow our feelings, as our feelings can lead us astray, but hey, this is my blog, right! Can't a girl have feelings?
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a statement such as this, "Wow, what a blessing to be able to stay at home. What a blessing to not have to work." While I know in my heart of hearts that it IS a blessing, I have to say that while it is, it doesn't mean it is EASY for me. You see, being a stay-at-home mother is a fiery training ground for my flesh. You see, I have no interest in what you might call "domestic" pursuits, such as sewing, cooking, baking, cleaning, canning, growing a garden, or crafts of any kind, and I do them based on necessity only. (Only cooking and cleaning, the other I never do) Wow! There I said it! I feel better! I am a homeschool, stay-at-home mother who despises daily routine chores and struggles daily and relies on the Lord's abundant and ever-so-merciful grace moment by moment. I confess! I am free!
Now, please do not misunderstand me. Realize that I am in burn-out mode, so some of my writing may be a tad dramatic, but I've got to let it all hang out here! I gotta be real! Staying at home with my children puts the faculties of my flesh to the fire more than any other thing ever has. Things in my nature are revealed that possibly might never be revealed about myself had I not chosen to stay at home, and that I guess you could say, is a blessing. But, why don't the majority of mothers (both working outside and non), why don't we share our real struggles? Why do we feel guilty when we say, "Being a mom is extremely hard work!!" I have dealt with this guilt feeling for years, never feeling as if I am doing something right, because if I was doing something right, surely it wouldn't be this hard!
Going to Africa really opened my eyes to some serious thoughts about why the struggle is so great in America for stay-at-home mothers, and all mothers in general. We don't share community. That's right. Going to Ethiopia opened my eyes to how many in other countries live. You see, people are in your home helping the mother. She is not ALONE. I was told that even the poor have helpers in their home to cook, clean and help with children, do lawn work, whatever. By giving others a job, you are helping them, and they become your family as well. What a concept for our individual-minded, busy society here! And we as mothers are pushed to the outskirts, to an isolation with our children that was never meant to be! And you do know, my friend, that even the infamous Proverbs 31 woman had women servants who helped her accomplish her tasks so she could be all that she was. Yes, indeed. Read it! It is there!
I know there are mother's groups, play groups, groups, groups, and more groups to be involved with and to have fellowship with other women, but by the time you have to hassle getting your children ready and yourself, you are exhausted to go anywhere, and it becomes easier to stay in your pumpkinshell! This is what happens to me anyway. Can I get a witness from anyone? Okay, I am ranting, and my mother will probably call and subtly ask, "How are you? Everything alright?" So, the answer is "Yes, Mom, I am fine! Just venting!"
Where was I? Well, I hope to have a few helpful and/or insightful comments today. I think I am ready for a slight change in my life, and I believe taking these online classes will give me more focus and a goal as well. Then, we will see what the Lord has in store. For now, I know I need to wait upon Him, find my peace and strength in Him alone, not complain and whine. I am indeed a blessed woman, but I just need to come to terms with the fact that certain aspects of being a mother, wife, teacher, cook, housekeeper are just very hard for me. I have a sense of feeling "trapped." I know that I'm not, but that's how I feel (the good old word.)
I have vented. Do I feel better? Yes. I am thankful for a place to post my real struggles and thoughts, no holds barred. More later in the continuing saga of my life, but for now, I lift up praises to the Most High, for He is my Rock and my Strength.
7 comments:
When Jon was born, he had severe jaundice and I had to keep taking him in daily for them to check his bilirubin levels. It was really interesting (and a blessing for me actually) because there was an amish mom that I kept running into at the hospital whose baby was also going through the same thing.
She always had at least one friend/family member with her. And while I was very blessed that Tony could go to the appointments with me, etc... I could see how comforting it would be to have another woman there for support and encouragement.
You are totally not alone.
I'm a stay home, homeschooling mom who runs 2 businesses (2 separate corporations..mine and the one hubby is too busy to do himself).
I get totally burned out sometimes too. Want to pull my hair out. Want to sleep in on Sunday and miss church.
I HATE cleaning. I'm not good at it. I run around a half hour before my husband comes home and clean everything within sight because if I do it any sooner, it will get dirty again.
It's not easy. It's stressful sometimes, its frustrating (I have a "poor me" girl who freaks out when she misses a math problem or spelling word and throws a hissy fit), and it's exhausting. I honestly work so much harder at home than I ever did with a full time management job.
But its worth it. Hard to find any "me" time, but worth it.
Just know you are not alone. There are many, many, many more of us out there feeling the same way.
We should form a "group". I'm not bringing the cookies.
:)
I hear your frustrations. Being a mom is such a hard job! Working outside of the home isn't all that great either, though. Everyday when I drop my kids off to go be with other people's kids all day as a special education teacher, I wish with all my might that I could be with my own kids all day. I still cry on my way to work somedays, and my youngest is 2! I'm so emotionally drained at the end of the day that many times I don't feel like I have much left to give my own kids. I work all day with very intense students, care for my boys and my husband all evening, and then fall into bed. There's not much time for "me." The one thing I don't have to relate to is the isolation, since I do work with a wonderful team of women at work.
I guess I just want to say that I hear you, I support and understand you, and I just needed to vent, too. haha :) Thanks for sharing your feelings - it's good for this working mom to hear that stay-at-home moms aren't living a life of total bliss everyday! ;)
So I had to laugh and cry reading this. I am SOOO not domestic either. Today was my CRASH day. I really thought I had it somewhat together and then BAM. This morning I even turned around and told all of my children that Mommy is going to play hide and seek. Don't come find me until I say I'm ready. I went and took a shower and YES, 10 minutes later they were all standing outside my door yelling, "are you ready yet?"
Ahhhh!
Anyway, you are NOT alone.
I see some of my friends who have gone back to work and they seem to have it so "easy." Seriously. THey drop the kids off at 7 am. Daycare lady takes them to school and picks them up. The mom gets home at 6pm, the dad at 6:30, dinner at 7pm and bed at 8pm. Their house is rarely a mess b/c they are never in it. Even though I'd never want that, I am sometimes a tad bit (just a tad) envious of the pedicures during lunch hour, the lunches out with hubby and/ or friends, the coffee breaks, etc.
Anyway, all that to say, I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE at.
Praying for you.
Oh, and if we lived closer, you could totally drop your kids off and go home and take a bath!
I'd help you can. And by can I mean I'd help you open the cans of green beans that the green giant canned!
Love you,
Katy
AMEN Sister!
Yes, staying with kids full time is hard but the blessings will be great as well. What you sow in tears you will reap in joy! So press on sister! Your work has eternal value! You are investing in the souls of those precious children. Do not become weary of well doing! In reality you will become weary but just rest in the Lord and he will sustain you to keep going!
I am proud of you for being so real on the net! You are an encourager to people that you don't even know. Me being one of them! Thanks for sharing!
Oh yes. . I understand! With two 2 year olds and a 3 year old, sometimes I want to pull my hair out. . then, I feel guilty b/c I never want my kids to think that I don't want to be with them. . however, sometimes, just sometimes I'd like to be by myself. Or at least have the freedom to plan to go somewhere with girlfriends without having to arrange childcare and a 100 other things!
I will say that my "mom's group" at church is my lifesaver. . .we "get" each other in so many ways and it becomes our "free" zone to really share with other mom's that understand as only another mom can. So, even when it's hard. .get out there and live in community. . and be vulnerable to share there just what you shared here. You'll be surprised by how many of those moms completely agree (even the ones you probably think LOVE every single minute of motherhood!).
Love,
Brandi
PS I don't cook, can or anything close!
Preach it sister Tina! I couldnt agree more! ha!
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